The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
