I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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