why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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