i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
