i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
