There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Vodka?
Forever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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