i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
