You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
