I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
