The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
