I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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