Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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