it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
