I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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