Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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