I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
