So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
