2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
