this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
