she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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