We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
