There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
