hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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