Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize