watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
