I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
