So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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