Can i not drive my cunt home
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
