Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
