Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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