I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
