Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
