I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize