So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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