great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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