I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
