we're blogging at a bar
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
