Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
