you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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