This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
