what day is it and did you see me today?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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