After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
