Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
