Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
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I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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