Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
