Screwed.edu
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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