My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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