we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
