Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
