I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
