I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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