Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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