I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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