i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
