you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
