Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
