i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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