I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We need a shit load of segways right now
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
