I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
