Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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