Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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